How to make a killing off a dead Pope!

I have to cop to a certain amount of trepedation about so visibly expressing my rancor at the incredibly twisted Catholic Church. I mean, in everything else in my internet presence, I am Russ Reina, a firetender whose oft repeated mantra is that I am here to nurture the flames of  Spirit that live in me and all things.

(Something like that anyhow. You may have noticed I tend to say the same damn thing over and over again but just in 50,000 different ways! Nobody listens anyhow so I may as well keep working on the words until they really CLICK!)

And here, in what I reserved as a personal blog of my personal musings I am so damn stuck in my outrage of the Church! For all you see, this is all of who I am. It’s not, it’s the part whose soul got ripped free of its innocense.

Just to get this out of the way, what I REALLY should be doing is trying to sell my book. Let speak for me on that.

But, honestly, just like I’ve encouraged others to vent, I will take my own medicine and have at it. Since I never attained a place on anyone’s pedestal there’s nothing to fall off of is there? And for the record, this never was about gaining publicity; I’m just mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!

And you have no idea how deep is the love I have for all of my Contributors because they’re all screaming out the windows as well!

What got me here was a post by Mario on this site. In part, he said…

…I was just being a jokester about that. I know he was supposed to appear in Jerusalem (2nd Coming; firetender’s note). This does give me an idea though glad you bought (sic) that up. I can go there to sell, Jesus balloons to the kids and hamburgs and hot dogs. Just think, I may be able to perform a miracle by feeding 5,000 people from two hot dogs and a bag of rolls. You’ll probably catch it on the six O’clock news. All the Christians that will be their waiting for his arrival.It’s a good time to make a few bucks. Might as well take advantage  of the occasion.

On first blush I’d have to say that’s pretty damn miserable, Mario! Look at what you’re doing; you’re suggesting that, based on inspiration you received from this tender, sensitive blog that you can justify yourself going out and ripping off a bunch of devout Christians!

That, my Contributor is DEPLORABLE!

You can do better; For Chrissakes learn from the EXPERTS!

First of all, your project is labor intensive.

The balloon thing is a pretty good idea; cheap, the images are public domain, and they are innocuous giveaways for the kids. I’m cool with that, but remember, you will have to blow the damn things up or spend 90% of your time helping the little buggers to do so on their own!!

And, really, do you think it’ll be easy to turn two hot dogs and a bag of rolls into enough to feed 5,000 without an expensive set of smoke and mirrors? You ever watch a bunch of Christians at a Las Vegas free buffet?

(Please consider pork hot dogs if you do this; it’ll keep away Jew and Arab non-believers.)

You could do what Jesus did which was (arguably) ascend to Heaven for around 75 years until a good publicist showed up (Paul) who then spread the, um, slightly exagerrated story like wildfire.

But you know what, Mario? I don’t think you have the patience, and to be in your corner, neither do I!

So let’s get weird here, Okay?

1) Let’s you and me make up a wax dummy of Pope John Paul II; the guy who they just rushed through canonization as a Saint quicker than Crazy Glue sets.

2) Let’s figure out which country eats up the Pope being God’s direct representative on earth, hook, line and sinker as evidenced by his reception there when he was alive; preferably, let’s say, a country in turmoil, where innocent people are getting murdered by thugs and the people need to hold on to that old “reward in the afterlife” thing.

3) Let’s parade around the streets, letting the faithful touch the bulletproof glass sarcopagus with their whatchamacallums…oh yeah Scapulas and, of course, Rosary Beads, hell, even panties, why do anything to discourage expressions of faith?! I think they think that’ll knock off some time in Purgatory if I remember correctly. That’s what I was taught, anyway.

(Wait a minute, something is missing….Okay, got it!)

4) Make sure, with that wax figure you’ve got some bones or something from the real body of the pope. Wait, that’s too gross. Maybe a tooth or two that didn’t make it to the Tooth Fairy. Nah, in order for that to work the wax figure will have to visibly have the teeth in question absent; it’s a credibilty thing.

5) SCRATCH 4) I got it! How about having with it a vial of the dead Pope’s BLOOD. Say it was taken from him just before he died, for some reason that has ZING! appeal to me.

6) And here’s the beautiful part; you don’t even have to ask for the cash. It will be thrown into any box labeled, “Help us take our Vicar to the next town!”

Here’s where this firetender guy is truly out of his mind, isn’t he? Clearly, he deserves to lose what little credibility he had. I mean, what does he think; people from the impoverished ghettos will flock to the display and part with the spare Pesos they need to feed their children so the Church can continue to parade around with what used to be called a “graven image”?

SOMEBODY THINKS SO! And I’m sorry, Mario, in the time it took me to write this (I Googled, of course, to make sure I wasn’t stomping on anyone’s Copyright!) I found they beat us to the punch!

For once, this firetender doesn’t know what else to say.


2 Responses to “How to make a killing off a dead Pope!”

  1. Don Says:

    Firetender: I am sorry. I can’t handle this blog anymore and I’d really appreciate it if you would no longer send me these. I have tried to stop them myself by removing the notify comments feature, but I am still getting them. I have experienced pain within the Church as a fallen away and then returned Catholic, which I cannot deny. But I love God and others, know that the Church is imperfect and always has been, and while I do not wish to be insensitive or in any way offensive, but this is simply more than I can handle or that I feel is helpful to me, based upon some of the comments that have been made, especially Mario’s. I wish you only well and nothing less than that and take care. Peace. Don.

    • firetender Says:

      I will be happy to honor your request and will comply as soon as I figure out how, Don. I apologize to you personally and will do so to individuals who have come here for healing.

      Yet, I must state that I have never seen anything like this spectacle in my life (60 years) and it comes at a time when the Church is struggling for adherents all the while in abject denial and defiance of the damage it has caused.

      It’s true, my child’s rancor comes out, but don’t forget, this is satire.

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