An Aye for an Aye!

I think it’s fair to say that we, who have been Spiritually abused, have, at one time or another, questioned the existence of  god or the justice of ANY God. In my world, moments like these were fueled by outrage at the ripping away of my innocence. “How could I be so stupid as to entrust my fate to a god with such twisted sisters?!”

HE is their reflection, is He not?

How could I or you or anyone of us NOT be immersed in rage at some point? Note, I keep stressing that such things are in the moment. As with all emotions it is up to our choice how long we occupy any one of them.

Clinging to them can be debilitating as me and many of my peers have experienced, but sometimes, that’s what happens.

So when someone here expresses an “Off with their heads!!” toward God, his/her minions or their philosophies no matter how expressed, I can hear it. In fact, I want to hear it precisely because no one else did!

You’re right when you say ALL Extremists should be banned from having contact with our children — I have said it myself — but then I want you to listen to each other as well and hear that that puts you into the realm of Extremism.

An eye for an eye makes everyone blind.

And please, don’t forget that there ARE many of us who, through whatever means DID, in our childhoods, connect honestly and truly with the Central Force that our teachers abused. THAT connection has sustained our lives.

Take me, for example. Somehow, through singing, I established a visceral connection with the best of what I was taught Jesus was about. That initial absorption by me, by some magical entrance, helped me to distinguish between the good that came from that Source and the evil of what was made up by twisted minds and heaped on me and my classmates.

I abandoned it all after Grammar School and went about a perhaps 10 year quest to UN-learn everything I had been taught in Catholic School. That meant tossing out the baby with the bathwater. I had to, otherwise I never could have had room to let fresh water in to nourish something new. No matter how I looked at it, that baby was presented me as a burden, not a gift.

Sorry, but THAT baby had to die for me to live. I couldn’t really see at the time that what I was really doing was spinning a cocoon around it until it entered its appropriate stage of development and I had room to let it live inside me again.

Somehow, I REALLY got a tremendous amount of comfort from that — enough to have the strength to question and abandon it!

And there were MANY times I found myself railing at, protesting against and defiling everybody else’s gods who reminded me of the one who became the vehicle of my Spirit’s abuse. I had to work hard and fast to NOT allow those voices to dominate my life because that would place my focus on THEIR gods rather than cultivating my own.


Because what I found was that being godless just doesn’t work for me!

The connection is the Connection and that never changes; if I listen, through it I gain a little wisdom. Maybe it’s that damned simple, but you know what? Those little pieces of wisdom that seem to come from outside of myself are often…just…enough…to keep me wanting to live and continue to contribute.

I’ve learned to do what I’m told, but I know Who’s REALLY asking now!

Now that may be a far cry from the kind of fealty to Jesus that was beaten into me. But you know what? It’s enough!

So, what I’ve learned is that God has many faces. They are fluid and often times you have to really work hard and sacrifice a lot to get to see the one that you need right now. But they are there to choose from.

There’s that word again; CHOICE!

So, yes, I have a request here, as well. I want to hear the pain and I want to hear the reactions AND I want to hear the coming togethers as well in understanding and tolerance for each other. Out of that comes mutual growth.

Holding on to positions, or being subject to being held TO immutable positions is what got us to this site in the first place!

So let us be gods FOR each other. Let us find the places where we can hear the children in us crying out in pain and then extend hands to sooth it.

Remember, a big part of this Blog’s purpose is to be a vehicle for us to help each other move forward and my hope is ON so that the damage no longer lives inside of us.

This is not about revenge; it’s about self-restitution using mirrors.

And you know what? You ALL are doing a wonderful job!

I suppose I’d still like this Blog to attract somebody(s) to nail the Catholic Church on this, the underlying iceberg of its true abuse. But honestly, I’ll really “settle” for a bunch of us to see each other, help each other find perspective and hope, and then carry a living Jesus out to others, whatever form that may take.


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